What It Means To 'Be Safe'

Clearly, I don't need to go into any description about Paris and what happened there last night. It doesn't matter who you are, or where you are in the world, it shakes us all. It should shake us all.

As soon as these attacks made international news, I received the whatsapp messages from my mother that I expected: "How are you? Hearing the news of France, glad you weren't there..." and so on.  I reassured her that Amsterdam is safe, and my friends and I are completely fine, but the overwhelming theme of the conversation was, simply, "are you really safe?"

And then, what seems to be the most prevalent question of the day today:

"Who is next?"

I'm not safe... none of us is really safe. We are not safe walking down the streets of our cities and hometowns without the weapons that would maybe protect us from AK-47s. We are not safe sitting at restaurants with loved ones without a lock on the door of the establishment and security in place to make sure those entering are not wearing a weapon. We aren't safe on our airplanes, our trains. We aren't safe in concert halls, losing ourselves so much in the music that we don't realize the shots ringing out aren't just a part of the show.

It doesn't matter if I am in Amsterdam, Paris, London, somewhere in Germany, NYC, or just back home to sweet little Delmar, NY. There is a threat to my security just for being alive, being human, and daring to walk out onto the streets unarmed.

I don't mean to be fatalistic or depressive. My point is this: we run this risk to our lives in order to actually live our lives. We have street smarts and learn how to take extra precautions, but the real tragedy is the fear we are learning to cloak ourselves in. No one can strap us into army gear and teach us how to defend ourselves against a bomb exploding outside a stadium where we were just trying to watch a football game. To really be ready for defense, we would have to be anticipating these types of attacks around every corner. And to really anticipate that, we would have to live every minute in fear of it occurring - watching like hawks for any potential criminal behavior, and sacrificing the moments of our lives entirely.

That's what I am most afraid of now. Not that I'll be attacked at Dam Square trying to take in the history of Amsterdam or buying Bitterballen from a street cart. I'm afraid of spending this time in Europe, with newfound and longtime incredible friends and colleagues, looking over my shoulder constantly or hiding from the world. Fear becomes a veil we all start wearing, darkening our view of the world entirely, forcing us to hide from the light.

I am devastated by what happened in the beloved city that taught me who I was 7 years ago. Paris taught me how to be free in my own skin; it was where I felt safest walking by the same streets that had so much bloodshed last night, all by myself. Never once did I look around for someone pointing a gun in my face - I never felt the need to. I am devastated for the lives lost, for the friends there who lost loved ones, and above all, for how this will (has already) change how people look at their safety in that city. But I realize that, as a civilian with very little power over most every day occurrences... there's almost nothing I can do to ensure I don't wind up harmed at some point at the hand of terrorism of ANY kind. There is simply no guarantee, and the best we can do is carry on in unity with the same goal of peace.

So, really, all we can do to survive (and overcome) this again and again is to keep living. For the sake of what it means to really live our lives to the absolute fullest while we have them, knowing that there IS no safe zone, we need to go to our restaurants anyway without armor; without guns and weapons to 'protect us.' We have to walk bravely down the street, taking in the world around us without the veil of fear obstructing our view. We must celebrate our friendships and family and loved ones openly, at stadiums, at concerts, by landmarks. Because to stop doing so, collectively, out of fear, would mean we've all surrendered our freedom and our lives to this monster.