I've had a crazy night. I've had some Jim Beam, sung a lot of singing, run a few miles, voted for a few things for my state -- obviously now I'm going to post about marriage!
No, it really has nothing to do with any of those things.
There's been this article floating around all week, written very charmingly by Seth Adam Smith. (In case you want to read that, here is the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html). This post is not to somehow put down that article. I think it's beautiful that he has learned what he has from his marriage, and from love in general, at such a young age. His wisdom is great; his experiences are by no means going to be scoffed at in this entry.
I guess I'm just a little... "over it."
I have a theory (since you are here, on my page, how 'bout you go with it for a sec?): Life gets over-thought all the freaking time. Everything from what we should be eating three times (or more) a day, to what our entire purpose in life is get drawn out, with multiple conclusions, always. We are influenced by the TV we watch, the video games we play, the books we read (if we still do that), and our friends. Our family. All of it. We are so heavily influenced; Instead of going with our guts and keeping things simple, we complicate, make lists, worry. Worry some more. Think it over. Talk it over. Oh my God - just STOP!
While reading the article, as a late-20's single female (I almost wrote "single, white female" but realized the TMI was really unnecessary. And not habit, I swear.), all I kept thinking was "Yes, okay, we get it: you feel guilty for having doubts in your marriage at your really incredibly young age to even be committed in marriage. We hear you: you feel like you need to declare to the world that your marriage will henceforth be about her, and your family only...but more importantly: I think that this will probably fail on you."
I am not saying his ideas are wrong, or love is selfish. I'm not saying he can't make this switch. I'm just saying -- can we all just be??? I feel like the failure that exists in marriage and partnership in our country actually isn't selfishness, but more... a freak-out that ensues whenever people stop just existing in their "married" state - happy, content to be a human who will inevitably make a ton of mistakes and come off really stupidly a lot of times, and glad to be with another human who will make those same mistakes. We over-complicate. We over-think. Infidelity and abuse stop being the deal breakers... and "seeming less invested than I am" becomes a reason for divorce. "Something not feeling right," is cause for breaking up.
Things "don't feel right" for me at some point almost every week. There, I said it. And by the way, that was the case when I was in happy and loving long-term relationships. It was also the case when I wasn't. I often "don't feel right," or feel selfish in some way. I often feel like I'm doing things wrong. I rarely feel like I'm being selfless enough, or am content enough, or have it all figured out... enough. Sure, I strive to be better about it all, but these are the idealistic dreams of our annoying society. No one feels right all the time. (Please correct me if you do!) Everyone has issues - even tiny, insignificant ones count. Those issues can make us selfish, confusing, complicated, and flawed as friends, partners, lovers, whatever. That is what makes love - true, human, imperfect love so astoundingly beautiful (and amazing) to me. It's the endless, exhausting attempt of our society to try and fix that that seems to create such unbelievable upheaval between partners.
I wish we could all just be simple somehow. Love simply. Feel what we feel for one another, and accept each other as being constantly evolving, messy, issue-laden humans. I wish for each of us to find a partner who truly knows how to love without the veil of "perfect" hanging over each of our heads. I pretty much vow not to marry - or even consider it - until I know that exists within whatever union I am contemplating.
Let's just love, and stop thinking so damn much.
No comments:
Post a Comment