YAPping.

Today I submitted my 150th YAP (Young Artist Program) application. I have no way of knowing if that number is accurate; it could have been much, much higher than that, but I don't feel like clicking through my email history of confirmation notifications from 2008- present right now.

As I went through all of the usual required fields, I stumbled upon an odd little box in which I was to "describe what special qualities I bring to my operatic performing." This bewildered me: normally we click through these online applications (applications in place so that we may be considered... just for an audition for the program), listing off our references, uploading our headshots, resumes and audio clips, naming programs we've done before (if any), and listing what rep we're bringing to the table. It's black and white: What we've done. Who we know. All the unemotional checks and balances that make us "worthy," but rarely any space for us to argue a case for ourselves! I felt like a child who'd suddenly been handed the phone for the first time to talk to someone: so much I wanted to say, but no idea what I should say.

Should I talk about my comedic timing? Or how I can turn every trip into some part of the choreography? (A very necessary quality in my opinion, especially considering I am one of the clumsiest people on earth...) I typed about five drafts, attempting to modestly cover my violin background, my love of jazz, my musical theater and dance training, my adoration of the french language... and then abandoning all attempts at being me and adopting an oddly sophisticated prose-style with words like "Thusly," and "Affluent."

And, at what point am I allowed to tell them how I've really grown as a human being over the last few years, on and off the stage? Is it acceptable for me to discuss my spirituality? Can I tell them about my loan payments?

...In the end, what I went with was probably the least of what I could have said. Ultimately it doesn't really matter, because regardless of what they think of what I write in that box, I know the deciding factor - for getting this audition, a chance at getting into the program - will come down to what they thought of my resume and recordings. This isn't my way of being cynical, because in my book this company stands out for caring at all how we as performers feel about what we do. It's just that, after 4 years and about 375 applications ( ;) ), I've learned a lot about this field. Some of which I wish I could unlearn.

It would be nice to go into this fall's audition season with a completely clean slate.